Life…
Im having a baby. Due April 5. Only 11 weeks yet. And don’t get me wrong I’m so excited… but the man I was in love with I don’t know anymore. He isn’t the same. Or maybe just not the guy I thought he was. But it sucks. It’s like I’ve lost my lover and my best friend. Maybe he has just lost interest in me. Maybe now that he has me its just not as exciting anymore. How do you go from doing everything together to seem like you hate eachother in that short amount of time. Is there nothing I can do. It seems like everything I do or say is wrong now and it breaks my heart. Is this the end of another chapter and the beginning of another? I guess ill have to wait and find out.
ohboyyy….
life is so different these days. if i could go back in time i honestly would. im not saying im not happy… im glad im having a baby girl, i am… but its just everything is going to be different. everything has been different for almost a year now… and i dont think it has been a good different… but theres nothing i can really do about it now. i honestly think im loosing it sometimes… like i have absolutely nobody to talk to anymore. where did all my friends go… what happened to us… what happened to me..
at this point i dont even know what my next step is. but i know i cant just sit around and do nothing, because absolutely nothing will change.
sometimes people just need a little help… and a little push would be nice. a point of direction… something.
but living with regrets get you nowhere… because i cant change whats already happened…. believe me ive tried. so now all there is is to move forward and make things better from here. which is NOT going to be easy… and i dont even know if i really have any help, or if he actually means everything he says. because after everything that has happened within the last seven months… i can trust nobody anymore. and i think thats why im loosing it.
