and well… life really does have its ups and downs.

sometimes i really hate life because something happens that really upsets me and then after time… im back to my happy self.

well this time something happened i sware i will never be able to get over. but im really tryinggg. i already am broken inside i just want to be able to glue all the pieces back together. usually im really good at it… but lately its like… i ran out of glue. its like i dont have the strength to put them together again. i want to be able to forget this and never think about it again. i want to be able to go on not caring about what they are doing or who they are doing for that matter. i dont want to see him and just start crying. usually i get over people fast, but he… he is different.

and i realize how much of a douche he is. i realize how much he used me. and i realize he will never be what i want or deserve… but im just so freaking attatched. i really want the strength or whatever to be like… dang i dont care, he is nothing and he is missing out. but everytime i see him, something stops. something in me just breaks down and cries :( idk what to do anymore

i mean im making progress. i havent talked to him in a week. we both said we were done and stuff… but im still hurting. but even if he wants to be friends again…. im not going to reply because i want to get over this only once and not have to go back. i just wish he was hurting just as much as i have been for the past 7 almost 8 months. dang! if we were actuallly dating, that would be a longgg ass realationship. seee…. this is why im so attached. i have never been with someone this long and going through the stuff that happened during the time. jesus i didnt realize it was that long. we barely even talked!! why cant the part of HE IS AN ASSHOLE just stay in my head and hate him. in a way i do, but another part of me wants him to want me again … soo blehhh. somedays im fine, other days i want to kill myself.

that is what is going on in my world :]

yeahhh, im at school right now. its friday! yay. and hopefully this weekend will help alot. i just need to get my mind off it… so im done talking about it. the official recovery is starting now. im not going to talk about it to anyone. it will be for the best.

:p    blahhhhh    :p