I have night school tonight :( please shoot me now. i guess it will be good though cuz i have some work i need to do and i wont ever get it done so even though its punishment, its still a good thing i guess. lets see… i have been staying at justins for the past couple days. I feel so wierd being at school… and not being with him. Its like he is my only friend anymore. I rarely talk to any of my old friends.. but they havent tried either… so should i feel bad? idk. it doesnt even feel like any of them want to be my friend anymore. I know some of them used me for my car (which i knew) or they were broke and they knew i was a nice person and would pay for them. now that im broke lol they stopped texting me. and my old true friends that i had (which werent many) dont even acknowledge me really. unless they want a shirt back or something…. it just hurts. in a way yes its my fault. i know that. i know i got to caught up in the boyfriend…. but im in love. and “you can always make new friends” is what everyone is saying. but i want my old friends back! they are the ones that have kept me here not going insane for so long! because without them.. i wouldnt have known what to do with my past heart breaks and family issues and deaths and things like that. so what should i do? should i spend less time with the boyfriend and try to hang out with the old friends. that seems logical right? well when i hang out with them now its not the same. its like awkward you know. like it wont ever be the same again because they have made better friends. its like the only person that i can hang out with without having to always have a plan or something important to do to hang out with is Justin, and thats why i have been with him so much. because i can picture me being with him forever. and forever doesnt seem long enough. im afraid something might happen with us and i will just loose him like that. what if that happens, what would i do then?? I would have no purpose to wake up and go out. Nobody to call and cry too. I feel lonely, but only when im not with justin. otherwise i dont think about anything but being with him and having fun. im hoping the future plans we have talked about happen. and things dont turn towards the worse. Im hoping the jealousy goes away and the trust becomes stronger. im hoping he doesnt fuck up, and more importantly, i hope i dont fuck up like i have before in past relationships. ooohoooh March 14 early in the morning me&&justin are driving to Florida together! going to stay with my aunt and others for a week… it will be a good time for just us to bond and kinda have a romantic week without any distractions. and a beach right there next too us. just hope my car makes it there :) haha. and no speeding tickets! if i get another one it goes on my record:( and i have a bigger fine than $175. :/ - class is almost over now. gotta go to dale jackson then back her until 7:30 for night school- then actually going home tonight i think. going to relax with the grandma. dont think justin is coming over though… low on gas and money at the moment. :) i feel so much better when i vent on this thing even though nobody reads it, haha. byebye.